Dear Me

Dear Me,

The last time I wrote a letter to you, I apologized for allowing someone into our life that hurt us deeply.  I promised you I would be more mindful of the people I entered into new relationships with. I promised there would be more self-care. I promised I would do a better job at taking care of us. I promised that I would consult you before making final, life-changing decisions. Unfortunately, I have not kept any of my promises.

Instead, I have continued to do what feels good to me, even if it was bad for us. I managed to stay away from glaring red flags, but subtle ones were harder to recognize. Admittedly, it’s hard to ignore the sins you enjoy. I gave in to foods that delighted our taste buds and comforted us but were killing our physical health. I let laziness, procrastination, and feelings keep us from exercising. I avoided dealing with past emotional trauma and allowed it to creep into our new relationships. I took for granted the money we made and did not properly plan for our future. Now, retirement is right around the corner and we are not prepared.

I made a mess of things and we have no balance in our life. Emotionally, physically, mentally, and financially, things are amuck. However, the one area where I thought we were in good shape was our spiritual life. We read daily and prayed often throughout the day…sometimes. 

But were we really doing life with God? Maybe not. We talked with Him, and received clear direction, but still chose wrong. I allowed my lack of discipline to hurt us.

So instead of making a list of empty promises as I did before, this time I promise to make only one. I promise to focus only on our relationship with Jesus Christ. I believe if we get that right, then all other areas will eventually fall in line.

To keep this promise means we will need to do things differently. We will need to change who is in control and it can’t be me, your flesh. Everything in this world appeals to me because God created this world to sustain me. But sin is killing creation and without God, everything that is meant to sustain us will kill us too. 

Now I know I’ve done this before, but I am relinquishing control back to you. It will be difficult not being in charge and requires me to deny myself daily, moment by moment. It will require a change in thoughts and behaviors, and require us to create new habits. It will mean doing what I don’t care to do, especially when I don’t feel like it. And when things become mundane, you will have to press on and ignore me. 

Temptation will be at every corner because I created a life that pleases me, not God. Society gave me a pass to sin as long as I desired to do good. If I failed, it was okay because God knew my heart. But if we follow the world’s way, we will never have a victorious life, only one of mediocrity. I want more for us.

When we gave our life to Christ, we gained a direct connection to God. He speaks to us through you. Therefore, I am submitting myself to Him through you. If I want what is best for us and not just good, this has to be the end of me.

Sincerely,

Me

My Prayer…

Lord, I want to thank You for Your grace and mercy for not allowing anything to happen to me before coming to this decision. It was not easy. Thank You for allowing me to find new life in You. 

Help me Holy Spirit to do what is right and to recognize when I am straying off course. Give me Your wisdom in my decision-making and Your power to carry out Your will. Help me to evaluate every situation and not fall into the same temptations over and over again. If I stumble and fall, let it not be an excuse to stay down. Help me remember Your Word says that I will get back up. 

Lord, I want the life you have planned for me, to give me a future and hope. I want to do what pleases You. I want to walk in victory. Be my horn of salvation as You help me fight this daily battle. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.